Parenting: 10 tips for raising strong children

Raising strong children means teaching children to trust themselves and others, not being afraid to express their ideas in a respectful and constructive way and to ask themselves in difficult moments in life: "how can I get out of it?", "Which ones strategies can I use? ". Here are the recommendations from the experts.

Sometimes observing our children we fear that they are too fragile in a world that seems increasingly difficult.

But how do you raise strong children? Its really not a big deal...

What does it mean to be strong?

"Strength is the ability to accept others, who may have different mentalities than ours; it is the ability to resist fear and continue to move forward without guarantees of reward; it is the ability to live in love".

Strong personalities are those who have an assertive behavior, that is, they have full confidence in themselves and in others, they are able to affirm their rights without denying those of others and express themselves clearly and directly, but not threatening or aggressive.

According to the Psychologists, The passive and the aggressive one, both sharing the lack of trust in themselves and in others and the inability to communicate their needs and rights".

Raising assertive and strong children means getting them used to asking themselves in difficult moments in life: "how can I get out of it?", "What strategies can I use?".

1. Cultivate self-esteem

In order to raise a child with self-confidence, it is essential to convey him the idea that he applies only to the fact of existing. It applies even if it takes a bad mark, even if it is a whim and is scolded. Unconditional acceptance by the parent is the basis of secure attachment. And it will help him, when he grows up, to face life constructively.

Acceptance obviously does not mean permissiveness, indeed limits and rules are important. Unconditional means being empathetic with your child, accepting him for what he is. Never go out with phrases that affect being "you are not good because ...", but only the behavior: "it is wrong to throw objects, you must not do it!"

It is also important to have realistic expectations for your children and to teach them to achieve a goal step by step. To expect too much from a child is counterproductive, it can demotivate your kid, with negative consequences for self-esteem.

2. The positive reinforcement

Whenever a child takes a small step towards his goal, he should be underlined and praised with words of encouragement. These reinforcements help him motivate himself. But do not limit yourself to conditioned reinforcements, that is, those linked to specific behaviors, such as "I am happy with your beautiful report card", but often also use unconditional reinforcements: "I am fine with you", "how nice to be with you!".

And if a child is particularly difficult, for example he is hyperactive, take advantage of the brief moments in which he is behaving correctly and intervene immediately to underline how good he is doing, in order to consolidate and strengthen a positive attitude. Imagine having a magnifying glass that shows only the positive aspects, otherwise the risk is that of triggering a vicious circle of reproaches with consequent increase in problematic behavior.

3. Listen to him with empathy

"Authentic listening is an attitude that comes from the heart of the adult and reaches that of the child where his emotions are contained. Listening presupposes strong emotional availability, benevolence, understanding, emotional closeness"

The advice is therefore to devote to your child at least 10-15 minutes a day paying close attention (maybe in the night before going to bed ...). During this listening you can also ask him to tell you three good things and three bad things that happened to him during the day.

The three positive things help him to visualize that even on the worst days there is always something positive; the three bad things to make people understand that negative emotions can be accepted and that sharing them with parents is helpful. Reformulate what he tells you and give a name to his emotions.

This emphatic listening foresees that the parent does not give solutions (they must learn to find them alone), nor judgments.

4. Help him overcome the difficulties by telling him fairy tales

A good way to help him solve his problems on his own is through therapeutic fairy tales. That is, tell them stories specially designed by you to deal with a specific problem. Create a protagonist with the physical characteristics of your child, so that he identifies with him.

Then invent the character of the friend who immediately solves the problem and tells it to the protagonist, highlighting the advantages of having overcome that difficulty. Listening to the words of the friend also the protagonist / child will be able to reach the goal.

5. The importance of the rules

The rules give security and favor the process of adaptation to social and relational life. Acquiring the rules means becoming constructive people and developing a feeling of security. "They are the tracks in which to channel the energies: without them the train can go anywhere and derail".

To give rules effectively, it is important first of all to express them positively: instead of saying: "do not make the usual brat with your grandmother!", Better: "when your grandmother comes, help her sit down and offer her some biscuits".

Express them gently but in a feminine way, clearly and without going too far: "I'm sure you will put the bedroom in order today: start with the doll basket". If he does it right away, highlight it with positive praise.

Do not exaggerate in the numbers.

You can also play the game of the contract: if the child respects them, he will receive an award in return (a snack at the bar ... an extra hour of play at the park ...)

6. Teach step by step

As explained in the first point, it is important not to have unrealistic expectations of children in order not to create unnecessary frustrations in them. Teach them to do things in small steps, positively reinforcing them for each step they reach.

For example, if you want to learn to tidy up the bedroom, you start making him put two games ... and then three ... and so on, until he does everything himself. The ultimate goal of our teachings must be to get them used to doing it themselves. The child who is asked to do it himself is given a message of trust, important for his self-esteem.

7. Take risks and be able to say no

A strong person is one who learns to take risks, that is, to carry out one's ideas and beliefs, in a respectful and non-aggressive way, even with the risk of losing something. Teaching this attitude, as well as saying no is important because it will get children used to having courage and to reject wrong or inappropriate requests. These attitudes are learned basically through the example of parents.

8. Willpower

Convey to your children the concept that in life, 'to get what you want, you have to commit yourself.'
Also in this case the example of the parent counts a lot: if after an effort you are satisfied and not just tired, show them that reaching the goal, however tiring, makes you feel satisfied and makes you feel good.

If the goal to achieve is very difficult, break it up into many small intermediate stages, and to encourage your child, use many positive reinforcements.

And if one day you can't make it to the expected stage, don't dramatize it, you must also teach yourself to be self-indulgent (on the contrary, you risk having a negative vision of yourself).
It can be useful to help the child visualize the things he has to do with a drawn or written list.
Another trick is to repeat the same instructions several times so that the child, when he is in the live situation, reminds him of the behavior to be put in place, for example ask him several times: "how will you behave when you are sitting in classroom with the teacher? ".

You can also play the game and mimic the behavior your child has to follow. These repetitions are used to automate gestures and show the closest success.

9. Limit television and digital devices

Old and new media are sources of distraction: they compromise the development of children and weaken their personality. A study showed that only after an hour of exposure to television, the academic performance of the children may surely drop drastically.

Other research has shown that early and massive exposure has negative effects on language development, logical skills, socialization and also on willpower. The same applies to mobile phones. The Canadian Pediatric Academic Societies presented a study in 2017 in which children between 6 months and 2 years of age who spent more time with smartphones were more likely to experience language delays.

It is therefore important to limit TV or other digital media. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend any type of screen up to 18 months, from 18 to 24 months very little and well-selected contents, between two and five years not more than an hour a day.

10. Take some time for yourself

In order to raise a strong child, first of all it is important that the parents are well, if you are full of energy you are naturally stronger and more positive and you can set a good example. If a parent is tired and stressed, it is easier for them to have low resistance and react with depression and despair when faced with difficulties.

So first of all try to limit stress.

Put your worries in the right perspective, often in stressful situations you tend to exaggerate. Ask yourself, "Is what really happened that bad? Will it destroy me?" One way to recharge your energy is to dive into the present, not to bask in the past or to return to happiness the next day. We must learn to enjoy the moment, and to focus on the little things of everyday life.

Then don't forget to give yourself some attention: take 20 minutes to read a book, have a coffee, take a bath ...

Exercise: a good rule would be three times a week for at least 20 minutes. Exercise affects the release of endorphins that raise mood and make you feel good.

Try to sleep between seven to eight hours (the absence of sleep leads to a state of chronic stress).
If you can't relax, you can try yoga, autogenic training, mindfulness ... And finally try to follow a correct diet. :)